Maui, Prologue.

I always have trouble leaving. 
I am so comfortable in my life now, that urgent wanderlust that used to drive me isn't there anymore. 
That's how I know, you know. 
How I know it's time to make some drastic change or pay better attention to my better judgement.
I'm a generally happy person.  I can make the best of anything, so sometimes I miss the finer points of glaring red flags in a relationship.  I make peace with, put up with, make excuses for in the name of compromise and because that's just the price of admission.
When the day comes that I can finally admit to myself that my burning desire to get in my car and drive anywhere but here isn't just a manic tic...  When I can look in the mirror and realize that my compulsion to shave my head is not, in fact, just frustration with today's tangled tresses... When I take stock of my life and find that I'm still alone in it - lonely for a partner who is meeting me halfway, rather than sucking half my life...
That's how I know it's time to move on.
I seized on the chance to join good, old friends on a tropical adventure right at my breaking point.  I had realized the real root of my lust for major change and just started to turn the corner toward something new and terrifying when I got a call:
"Hey, you wanna go to Maui?"
Balls yeah, I wanna go to Maui in December.

How romantic, for sure.  But come the day of, I had done no packing and no preparation.  I threw my clothes in hastily, and dallied til the last second with my sweet dogs. 
I have so much more that I'm leaving behind now.  I have such a rich and satisfying life - I know I'll have fun, but I don't need so badly to escape it anymore.  Usually, I have some raging and careless passion that I'm carrying with me when I travel.  I fling my worst self into strangeness and danger just to stretch my aching soul.  Caged in too long, Icarus and I like to see what we're made of.

I sleep on the plane.  Napping is my superpower - I can sleep anywhere, any time.  But airplane sleep is rarely good and I often dream fitfully.  I dreamed that I wanted to wake up, but couldn't.  I dream that I am too sleepy to do whatever needed to be done.  In my dreams, someone needs me but I can't ever move to help.  I'm always glad to wake up conveniently an hour before landing.

It's still a little strange to travel alone.  I am good at traveling, navigating airports and transportation when I have someone else that I am guiding.  Traveling alone makes decision-making difficult.  I have no-one to bounce things off of, so I must do what works best for me.
Ay, there's the rub.
I have no reflective character, no other half so I have to figure out what makes me happy and whole.
I've spent so much time making sure someone else is happy, I don't know how to do it for myself.

I find my way to the other side of the island, to my friends already asleep.  I'm happy to get some time to settle my travel nerves; read my book and simply listen to the ocean in the dark.  I hope my friends will be glad to have me here and that I will not be a nuisance.  I drink too much sometimes, and I don't want to annoy them so I must be careful.  I hope that I will be glad I left my dogs and my life and my family.
I hope I can be helpful.

Maybe now that I'm taking a trip for its own merit instead of escaping some narrow reality- it will be more peaceful.